


Who Did You Love Before?

by veritas_st



Series: Stanford Era Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mentions of Wincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 22:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10751310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veritas_st/pseuds/veritas_st
Summary: Set just before the pilot.Title taken from Better Than Ezra - In The Blood.





	Who Did You Love Before?

Jess smiled sleepily to herself as she felt a large hand come to rest on her hip, pulling her backwards into him. His thumb stroked a small circle against her skin and she knew he was half asleep. But he was warm, solid and safe behind her and Jess relaxed, moulded herself to his chest as his hand crept lower. 

\------------

Sam. Sam Winchester. _Her_ Sam. He was an enigma, from the first moment Jess had laid eyes on him, in the library, tucked away in some dark dusty corner with his hair hanging into his eyes, surrounded by large tomes that sent clouds of dust spiralling into the air above him every time he turned a page, from that moment Jess was hooked. Totally and utterly hooked. 

He was gentle, kind, with eyes that held a strange age old knowledge and world weariness, funny and sweet and Jess couldn't get enough of his smile. It lit up his face, made his eyes dance and made her blood race. The dimples on his cheeks when he smiled gently and asked her for coffee were her final undoing. 

Their's was an easy relationship. Sam let her do most of the talking, as she opened up with words and dramatic hand gestures he smiled, listened with his head cocked to one side, added in comments here and there. It was easy and Jess found herself falling more and more in love with him as each date came to an end. 

It wasn't until Sam cupped her face in his impossibly large hands and kissed her gently on the mouth that she realised just how much she loved him. 

She loved him. But part of her felt like she didn't really know him. He kept things hidden. He got a haunted look in his eyes sometimes, stiffened at the slightest noise in the evenings. Jess had found a knife under his pillow once, it was old, etched with strange symbols and Jess had dropped it like it had burnt her, put it back under the pillow and not said a single word about it. The next time she looked it was gone. 

And then there were the times when Sam looked at her and she knew, she just knew that he was seeing someone else. That right at that moment Jess wasn't Jess, was someone else. And he would forget himself and say something strange and out of character, shrug it off with a smile and a kiss and all would be forgotten. But Jess couldn't bring herself to care because more often than not Sam would look at her and see her. Really look at her with love in his eyes and that made up for all the other times that Jess felt there was no room for her in Sam's heart. That it was already taken by someone else. 

And the scars. Twisting, ragged scars. Small, hair-line scars. Round, bullet sized scars. All of them made Sam's skin all the more perfect and Jess would run her fingers, her tongue over them. Sam would sigh and lift her lips back to his, taking her hands in his own, like he didn't want her touching them. She never asked what they were from and he never told her. It was just all part of the puzzle that was Sam Winchester. And everyone knows with puzzles you have to start from the outside and work your way in. And you can't jam pieces in where they don't belong. And there was no box with a picture on the front for her to follow with Sam. 

It wasn't until Sam had had a particularly hard day, came home later from work than usual with dark circles under his eyes and his broad powerful shoulders hunched, that Jess realised how true her wonderings about Sam and another person were. 

She had tackled him with a hug the minute he walked through the door, running her hands down his spine and pulling him in close. Sam had laughed gently in her ear and hugged her tight back, kissing the top of her head before letting her go and walking to the kitchen where the smell of freshly baked cookies was wafting through the open door into the rest of the apartment. Peanut Butter cookies. Sam's favourite and he always got that faraway look in his eyes when she made them, like they were inexplicably linked with some memory in his mind, or maybe even someone. 

Sam had sighed sleepily and smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, excused himself for a shower and was gone from the kitchen, leaving a wake of such jumbled emotions that it made Jess dizzy. 

She had crowded in behind in him the shower, man handled him round to face her, pushed her lips against the skin of his chest and sunk to her knees. Sam's hands had automatically come up and wound into her hair, gripping just this side of painful as Jess licked the underside of his cock. It was times like these when Jess wondered what went on in the deep recesses of Sam's mind because he sometimes lost control, pounded hard and fast into her, his eyes blank and filled with so much more than lust for her, lust for someone else embedded so far into Sam's skin that it was impossible to get them out. 

But Sam had relaxed his grip them, just slightly, and Jess had taken him into her mouth. Swallowing him down as a name that sounded like Dee escaped his lips in a whisper. It was such a broken whisper, ragged with desire that it had taken Jess by surprise and her rhythm had faltered for a second as she stared up at him. Sam stared down, his eyes unreadable and Jess had continued in her task of relaxing the love of her life. 

Later, in bed, curled around his solid body, her fingers tracing patterns on the skin of his back and finding, by instinct, the small scar that lay between his shoulder blades. Sam had stiffened when her fingers rested on it but her lips against his ear, his neck had made him relax. 

“Have you ever been in love Sam?” She had asked. 

“I love you.” He had replied, in way of an answer. Jess had shaken her head and pulled back to look at him. 

“No. Before.” His eyes had darkened slightly, became haunted before he recovered and Jess, right then, had decided that it didn't matter that Sam had loved before, however deeply, because Sam was with her know. 

“There is no before, Jess.” He had replied, cryptically and pulled her in for a kiss that stole her breath and her thoughts. 

\------------

Sam's fingers grazed the top of her panties, his breath hot against her neck. He pulled her backwards and rolled on top, staring down at her with bleary, sleep filled eyes. A gentle breeze wafted through the apartment and Jess wondered if she had left a window open somewhere. Sam hated open windows at night. But thoughts of open windows disappeared when his hand pushed under her favourite Smurfs t-shirt and trailed up her ribs and his other hand pushed into her striped panties. 

She fell asleep with Sam beside her and woke to an empty bed and the sound of voices in the living room.


End file.
